i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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