Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
