the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
