What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
