I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
