dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
