VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
