is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
