So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
