wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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