My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
