i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
