look no pants
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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