Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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