I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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