It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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