good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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