Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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