Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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