How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
