i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
