I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
