I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
