i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
