I swear she didn't look like that last week.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
