I just pynch a tree in the face
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
