Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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