i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
