Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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