I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
