found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
