Sacagawea was the original milf.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
