So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
try to milk me bitch
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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