i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
