So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
jump out the window naked night went bad
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
