Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
