the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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