Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
