White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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