Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
