and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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