i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
