Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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