The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
