I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
