too bad you live with your parents still
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
