And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
