In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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