When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
