I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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