This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
