I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
