Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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