at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
