Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize