3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
