they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
