Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
