those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
