...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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