Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
