Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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