i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
